I do wish that I could wake up as a butterfly one day. That someday I would wake up and see colourful wings on my back and I’d know that I’d become what I was born to be. Right now, it’s so hard to know whether I’m doing the right things, or doing justice to myself. I suppose the most difficult thing is to know what I’m supposed to be in the first place. When I was younger I thought that I’d be content when I had a corner office, a house in the suburbs and suits that make my shoulders look broad. I’ve been working this job for two years now, and all my bosses have said I’ll definitely have it someday. So I know my path, and I know how it ends. But when it ends will I have wings? Will I be a butterfly? Because that cannot be all I was born to do, that cannot be all I will become. It needs to be more, more important, more significant to myself.

 

***

 

Now, I’m walking home from my office with news on my shoulders that should make me happy. I am happy, I suppose. I’m just not as happy as I thought I would be when I aimed for it. Everytime I’d gotten a promotion before, I’d called everyone. Hell, everytime my boss complimented me I would change my facebook status. But it doesn’t seem important now. So, now I’m walking home with a voice in my head saying, Why aren’t you happy? Why aren’t you happy? You should be happy. 

 

I decide I need a change. Something to shake me, something that will bring me to reality. Then the news will sink in and I’ll be happy. So I walk a different route and enter a coffee shop I’d never noticed before. It’s crowded and there are loud murmurs and it's the opposite of what you expect a quaint coffee-shop to be like but I push myself in and order. I find an empty seat by the window, and sit down. And then I think, Okay, look at all these people. Most of them would probably love to be in your position. So, be happy. You should be happy. I couldn’t convince myself though, not that I should be happy nor that those people would want to be me. 

 

Then she walks in. It’s such a cliche, God I hate cliches. But when she walked in I did feel that the universe shifted a bit. Maybe she felt it too cause she bought her tea and sat down next to me and said “Man, I hate crowded coffee shops,”. I nodded numbly and realised suddenly I’m  happy I’m happy she’s here I’m happy she’s talking to me. 

 

***

 

Humans go through metamorphosis too. Metamorphosis isn’t becoming a butterfly, it's the process that makes you one. And you know, I’ve come to doubt whether caterpillars know they’re gonna become butterflies. Maybe they just spin a cocoon and think, “What the hell am I doing?” Maybe that’s where I am. But I’m lying here reading in bed, and she’s next to me and I know that I’m changing. Becoming something my job could never make me. I’ll never have colourful wings on my back but as long as I wake up everyday knowing that I’ve become the best version of myself, I’ll be alright.