Things I learnt in the last week
One, the comfort my parents bring is immeasurable but it's absence produces an ache I cannot bare.
Two, choosing things for myself isn't worth much and feels like no one exists to care for me (mom, come to my door and tell me to eat)
Three, why my father goes back to his high school friends as if they replenish him. I miss our summer already, please come and hold my hand.
Four, on lonely nights weaving a blanket out of memories works just fine to trap their warmth in my soul.
Five, things fall into place. It's how the universe was designed.
"This is about you. You know who you are. I love you"
the skies have been looking a perfect blue
for the last couple of days
and i’ve been falling and crying but it’s been alright cause it’s been with you
anything that’s been in my way you’ve tossed aside
it’s all disintegrated cause suddenly we are a part of a fairy tale
how is it possible that skies have been so blue?
summer sunsets and you
i have never seen a more clear horizon since i’ve been with you
i’m reminded everyday with every good morning that i have always been a lover girl
people pushed me to the edge and made me turn black and violet hues but
you’re here for me now that i’m bursting with pink and all of that glittery shit and
it’s a beautiful view
CANDLE
i’m blowing out my metaphorical 19th candle
there’s no cake on campus
and so nothing is real except it is
and i’m surrounded by souls i barely know
my lover is sick
my parents are abroad
and i should be lonely but i’m not
cause i’m 19 - the last teenage dream
perhaps it’s meant to be lived alone.
mom, life has taken a bizarre turn
these people weren’t in my life three weeks ago
why were they the first to wish me happy birthday
why do i not feel lonely but empty anyway
is this home sickness or something deeper
mother i fear i don’t love myself anymore
but i’m thinking it’ll be okay
why do we look at our past as if we don’t have a future still?
i keep myself warm with the memories of other birthdays
and the thoughts of everyone who i know wants to be with right now
i’ll keep them in my thoughts and wonder and dream that there’s a birthday in my future
when we’ll be together once again
Valentine's Day
is a capitalistic sham.
I have spent all my years saying that.
Except for this one,
because of him. He makes me want
chocolates and flowers
and all the other pink themed shit I condemned.
This is another thing I have changed
about myself from 13 to 20.
A piece of anger I’ve let go of,
another lie I’ve forgotten to keep.
Growing up is many things -
its making mistakes, following the wrong person, getting lost,
but we also learn to be more true to ourselves.
I listen to my favourite band more shamelessly,
admit to my flaws like they’re my badge of honour.
And I ask for flowers and chocolate bars.
I spent years trying to let go, only to realise now
I am winning.
Most importantly, ladies and gentlemen,
I have a valentine.
moments of love
yesterday,
i said, “sleep early please”
my mom
told me to look at the sun rising
a friend
bends down to tie my laces
i hold on to a key for emergencies
make notes in the margin of a book
learn the way you like
your coffee. my Starbucks order
draw hearts on hands and notebooks covers
write words to make her happy
draw me as an angel
wear your favourite shirt
she wears the bracelet that i got her
my mom knows when i’m anxious
she knows when i’ve had a fight
another friend
got me makeup from london
moments of love
graveyards
I told him
going through these pictures
is like walking in a graveyard
of long gone friendships
I’m sending him pictures of me
but they have people that
i haven’t seen in so much time
that sometimes I forget how much time
I’d spend around them
but it comes back when I see them now
look here’s a video of us dancing
but Now there’s no video of us smiling
I’ve left them all behind
are you walking past the graveyard dear?
I can see your eyes mourning for
The losses that you gained
If I could bring them back from the dead
I would. But I learnt the hard way
Broken friendships can’t be mended
Broken people can’t be trusted
But aren’t we shattered too?
We’re sitting in McDonalds now
Pretending we aren’t remembering
Other times with other people
He breaks the lie and asks
“Weren’t birthdays here the best?”
And I nod along as I recall
A hazy afternoon with sugar and balloons
I wonder idly how I’ll remember the Now
A wondrous night with sugar and something else
But I vow here and now
That we’ll reminisce together
He won’t walk past me in the cemetery
Won’t mourn me while I’m living
It started with a click
I picked her over you
It was an icon on my screen
Nothing more nothing less
Then, how did it come to this?
Seasons change, flowers die
And somewhere it between
I lost you. And you lost me too.
Although, I still wonder
How people can lose each other
So now, we sit in our houses
The distance stayed the same
But the path became too long.
Now, I sit here and say
We used to be friends.
We were all young when we first saw you
Too young to realise you were young too.
You know what they say, young stars never grow up.
But we’re not young anymore
So, when you sang ‘Only the Young’
We heard you. We’re screaming now.
You were quiet for too long.
Quiet when they snatched the mic from you
Radio Silence for years. Quiet girls are good girls.
You’re not quiet now.
You climbed from the grave, old Taylor’s dead.
We were quiet then. We’re screaming now.
We’re screaming in the streets.
We’re turning it around.
We’re young but not quiet.
And we learnt it all from you.
Quiet girls become mad women.
You made us like that.
Now, look what you made us do.
Laughing like lovers
Walking like warriors
All we see is Red.
We watched what they did to you
It won’t happen again.
We were raised by Taylor Swift
So we don’t care if you like us 25% less
We’re only the young
And they’re just mean
So, we’ll run, never too tired
It’s just a matter of time.
We Were Raised by Taylor Swift
Where do we go?
The hill i used to climb
is paved with concrete
I long to feel the dirt
under my feet
when i climb to the top
i see no greenery
only apartement buildings
and i used to think
it was beautiful
but now i miss
the trees
The trees which
would so beautifully
come alive in
July.
then break
my heart and fade in
January.
but they’d always
come back to me.
​
They used to say,
Seasons change, flowers die
But now it never gets cold
And the flowers don’t blossom
So, where do we go from here?
2003
Yeah, I was born in 2003
They can call us what they like
100 years from now,
What will they say?
We were born to a burning planet
We inherited a broken land
Watch us wash it all away
We’ll go back where we started
No, we won’t play the game you made
Maybe we’ll change it all someday
We won’t be mourners on the morning train
We won’t watch you throw our lives away
You look so proud on that throne of gold
Draping diamonds around your broken soul
But tell me, how much are they really worth?
Seems to me we can bring their prices
Down. Crashing down. Down to hell you’ll go.
Maybe you knew all along
This is what you deserve
Making children pick your rocks
How much did you pay them?
Down. Crashing down. Down to hell you’ll go.
​
Don’t lose hope please
Do you promise to stand tall with me?
Towns and Cities
People,
Talk a lot about
Towns and their futility.
But they don’t understand
The hopelessness of cites.
10 years ago,
We’d go for drives at 10:00pm
And we’d be driving though
A city full of dreams.
Now, I drive back at midnight
And the city is alive
But in the way
Which makes it feel like
A party at Gatsby’s manor.
So I live with the knowledge
That I live in a city
Whose secrets I will never know.
Whose schemes I never
Want to understand.
And how is that the hills
I grew up with
Have faded away in the noise
Of skyscrapers?
She said her happiness was
orange and shades of yellow.
She remembered eating lemons,
watching the Sun and the flowers bloom.
I read her words and remembered
a different time, when my happiness was
orange and shades of yellow.
I thought of first crushes, long bus rides
and the Best Song Ever music video.
​
I told her that my happiness had
changed to a lavender hue.
The smell of lavender, the colour of its petals and the smell of air in Spring.
It reminds me of A Tale of Two Cities, Rome
and the album Icarus Falls.
Sometimes I'm so glad, so thankful my happiness
changed to a lavender hue.
​
I found that people find it difficult to
understand how happiness can change.
They found it harder still to understand
how happiness can be a lavender hue.
I smiled broadly and cheered internally
when she said that she understood.
She won't understand it now, I know but
I do hope her happiness changes too ​
It's beautiful to think
that God answers our prayers.
To believe that he looks down
from the heavens
and sees us
down on our knees
and then
blesses us with the
rain.
​
But it's wonderful too
to know
that this water
has travelled the
whole world
to water
our plants and
quench
our thirst.
​
Stories and myths
they satisfy
our creative hearts.
But
knowledge and reasoning
they let our
restless minds
rest.
​
​
Father, I had a dream
that my wings were
finally spread wide.
That I learned to
jump and I wasn't
afraid to fly.
Father, I am sorry
that I'm not the girl
you raised me to be.
You taught me how
to mend broken wings
but the same tricks
don't work for a heart.
​
I want to be
that girl in the magazine.
Not pretty, no, not tall
I want to be confident like her
a woman who's
comfertable in her
own skin
I want to be
that girl in the dress
the pink one with
diamond shoes.
The one who smiles
when nobody's watching
like everybody is.
​
Mother, you hoped
I would stand tall.
You told me to
reach the stars.
And while I try
to build a
rocketship
I wish I could
just jump and
catch them in my palms,
like all the other do.
Mother, maybe someday
you'll see me holding a star.
Then I'll probably wonder
if it was worth it to travel
so, so far.
Do you believe in magic?
In the realm of mystery?
'Cause sometimes when I look out the windowI swear I can see the magic
I see it in the birds that stretch their wings to fly
How did they manage to fly so high
and leave us all behind?
